I have a childhood memory of podding peas in summer, but I can’t be sure that it’s real. It’s pretty rare to see fresh peas, I think. Even chefs tell you it’s ok to get them frozen.

In TV, if someone needs an injury iced they get a packet of frozen peas. Which begs the question: what are the chances that the peas are full? I mean, who has an unopened packet of peas in their freezer? Of course an open packet would be no use at all. Carnage, even. Peas breaking free of their packaging, running amok on the floor – into corners, under fridges.

This is the advantage of a props department. The lie of a kitchen that has never been cooked in.

In first aid kits they have those pop-n-shake insta-ice sachets that serve the same purpose. But the comfort could never be the same. Peas have no sharp edges. Peas mould to your body like a blanket.

I have a memory that this year I broke my arm. Though the events of that night and the ensuing weeks are vague to me now. The only clarity I have is that a full bag of peas was readily produced to ice my injury. And I remember this because even though it was 4am and my bone was broken, I thought, I can’t believe there’s a full packet of peas here. I thought, They must have never cooked in this kitchen.

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A version of this post was sent by email on the 25th November 2017 as part of Internet Care Package.

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